Is your environment too toxic, or do you need to become more resilient?

The past 2 weeks have been “annoying” in many ways. Nothing terrible, just small things that bug me. Frustrating moments that should be forgotten after a few minutes. But somehow, I blew up these small moments and let them steal my inner peace! And I am not even sure why. Because it does not make any sense. And that makes things even worse! I am mad at myself for making myself angry. Ain’t that some BS!

I am still deep into it, so this post is going to be messy! One side of me is saying, “snap out of it, live your life. You will not remember this moment in 3 years”. But, another side of me is like, “you can’t let that slide! This is personal now. You have to handle the situation.”

I tried meditation. It helped for 10 minutes. But it does not take too long for that visceral feeling to come back and my mind to spin like crazy! I make up an unlimited amount of scenarios in my mind. What if this happens, what I should have said, what I will say next, why are they saying that, are they planning something else, is this just the beginning of something much worse to come. Wild spin!

While digging my own rabbit hole, I came across a word that made me pause: “resilience.” It caught my attention because resilience is a strong word. When I picture the word resilience, I see someone building a fortress brick by brick. Not someone with superpowers, just someone who decided to pick up bricks 1 by 1 to build a wall. Someone who continues to repair his/her fortress regardless of how often someone tries to knock it down. Never getting frustrated, never losing her/his temper, just remaining calm and building his/her defenses. And then I remember the saying, “It is tough to defeat someone who never gives up.” This is resilience.

However, the question is: How do you know when you should build your fortress or when the whole city is burning, and you should just leave to build a fortress in a different country. Because at some point, resilience could become foolishness, but if you give up at the first sign of toxicity, you may be quitting every few months!

This is where I am right now. So what is next?

1. Is there something urgent? As much as this situation annoys me, there is nothing really critical. Time is on my side. This is good. This is really good. It means I can plan my next move and wait for others to make a mistake.
2. Assess the situation. I am emotional, but I have time. Let’s make sure I pause to get a good read on the situation. Who can I ask for feedback? Can I better understand the drivers on the other side? Who is supporting them, who is helping me?
3. What are my options? I should be clear on the situation. I should also know my options. How good are they? How can I create additional options? What would be the ideal option?
4. What is my plan B? A negotiation is only as strong as your plan B.
5. When do you make a move? Time is on my side. Therefore I could plan my move to happen at the best time.

Have you been in a similar situation? What did/would you do?